By Art Gib

Do you sense that something fundamental has changed in your marriage? It’’s not all that unusual for couples who have been married for many years to experience changes in their relationship: after all, the honeymoon doesn”t usually last forever and there are kids and careers and the challenges of everyday living to attend to. But if want to gauge if your marriage is truly suffering or not, you need to know what some of the dangerous symptoms are.

– Little to no communication

Remember when you talked to each other for hours on end and never seemed to run out of things to say? Couples need to work at remaining interested in each other’’s lives and in discovering new things together: talking about the kids doesn”t count! If there is very little to no conversation in your household, couples must individually make the effort to reconnect with the other partner.

– Constant arguing

Although disagreements are bound to come up in any relationship, they should not be the dynamic upon which the marriage is based. Arguments should come to a mutually agreed upon resolution then be forgotten; they should not be rehashed over and over and over for months and even years. Constant bickering, especially about the same subject, is a danger sign.

– Very Little to No Physical Affection

Physical intimacy is an important part of maintaining the emotional connection and bond that is so necessary to sustaining a marriage. Although sex is important, of course, so are the little affectionate gestures: kissing, hugging, a pat on the back, holding hands, and a gentle touch on the knee. If, as a couple you barely touch each other, couples counseling is probably in order.

– Very Little to No Sharing

A spouse should be the first person the other can go to if he or she is struggling with career, children, friendships, or just life in general. When one partner finds solace in getting advice or encouragement exclusively outside of the marriage, then the partnership will suffer from a lack of emotional intimacy. Yes, you are married; but you should be each other’’s best friends too.

– Alienation

If one person in the marriage partnership prefers being away from home rather than spending time with the partner or the rest of the family, it could mean trouble. Alienation can also take the form of excessive TV watching, hours on end spent on the computer, etc. The point is: if one partner is going out of his or her way to avoid spending time with the other, then the marriage is no longer giving him or her fulfillment.

Married couples should not wait until one of the partner decides to file for divorce: in many instances, couples counseling can do wonders to help resolve issues and get a marriage back on the right track.

About The Author

Justin Tobin Psychotherapy (http://www.jtobintherapist.com/)is a Chicago couples counseling. Art Gib is a freelance writer.